God's Foul Language

There is some nasty stuff in the Bible. Some non-kid friendly stuff: Incest, rape, stabbings, tent pegs-through-the-skull, those sorts of things. Sometimes The Bible uses filthy language, too. Pornographic, you might say. You don't believe me? Read on, bubba.
From the book of Ezekiel, chapter 23:
"And I sent aliens to probe your-"

Gotcha! Some of you out there think "Ezekiel" is synonymous with "alien".  Just wanted to see if you're paying attention.
Let's start again. Ezekiel chapter 23:

"Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother. They committed harlotry in Egypt, they committed whoredom in their youth. There their breasts were squeezed, and there their virgin nipples were handled."

Say what?

"There your virgin nipples were handled."
Dude, you can't say that in the Bible!

"Oholah (Samaria) whored while she was mine, and she lusted after her lovers. . ."
Who's talking here? He must be angry.

"She did not give up the whoring she had begun in Egypt, for they had lain with her in her youth and they had handled her virgin nipples and poured out their lust on her."
Pored out? Nipples? This sounds like a bad Cinemax movie. Who's the narrator? David Duchovny?

"Her sister Oholibah (Jerusalem) saw this, yet her lusting was more depraved than her sister, and her whoring more debased."
Runs in the family.

"She lusted after the Assyrians, . . .fine young men. . .but she carried her harlotries further. She saw men sculptured on the walls. . .at the very sight of them she lusted after them. . ."
Fifty Shades of Shofar.

"So the Babylonians came to her with their whoring. . . she turned from them in disgust. She flaunted her harlotries and nakedness, and I turned from her in disgust. But still she whored more."
Somebody a hoe. Who's writing this anyway? Ezekiel? Is he a perv?

"She lusted for her paramours, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like the issue of horses."

Uuuh. . .

". . .issue was like the issue of horses."
That's just not right.

"Thus you call to remembrance the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians pressed your breasts and handled your nipples."
There with the boobies again.

What is going on here? What's with all this porno talk? Simple. The speaker is painting a picture of his wife cheating on him, whoring around with multiple lovers. He's hurt, and is using words to make a vivid picture of this adultery. While Ezekiel wrote it down, it was GOD who spoke it to him. He was the jilted lover! He made a covenant with these people, and they whored around on Him with other gods. They lusted for what their neighbors had, unsatisfied with worshiping the one, true God anymore. And as an angry lover, he is using terms like "donkey members" and "pouring out lust" to get their attention.
Yes, God does have feelings.

Ezekiel is an odd book, and I invite you to read it for yourself. There is strong language, the origin of  Lucifer, weird angels, judgment, and model building. I'm not kidding. Go read it. And possibly, you will find out God's heart about certain matters, and learn to trust Him.
Amen.

Guess Who's In The Bible?

The Bible is full of fascinating subjects. Love, war, polygamy, angels, Satan, wisdom, annihilation of cities, family dysfunction, salvation. Some say it is full of fairy tales. They won't believe that Jonah was swallowed by a fish, or that God made the world, or that demons exist, or that Jesus is the Son of God. Atheists are found of saying "Prove it."
Well I'm going to prove something all right. You want fairy tales, I'll give you fairy tales.

The Bible mentions a big sea monster in Job 42. It is called "Leviathan". It isn't poetic speech, bub. It's real. Some think it's a crocodile, but I know better. I know what it really is.

"Can you fill his skin with harpoons? Or his head with fishing spears? Remember the battle, you will not do it again!"
Is that a crocodile?

"Who can strip off his outer armor? Who can strip of his double mail?"
The Candyman can?

"Who can open the doors of his face? Around his teeth there is TERROR."

A-ha! A mosasaur! I knew it.

"His sneezes flash forth light, and his eyes are like the eyelids of morning."
Whoa, wait a minute here. . .

"Out of his mouth go burning torches-"
What?!

"-and sparks of fire leap forth."
Yow!

"Out of his nostrils goes forth smoke as from a boiling pot."
Dang. I don't think that's a dinosaur.

"His breath kindles coals, and a flame goes forth from his mouth."

Oh shoot, it's Godzilla!

"His heart is as hard as a stone, even as hard as a millstone. When he raises himself up, the mighty are afraid! They are bewildered by his crashing."

Bewildered is right! Wouldn't you be if a 300 foot monster kicked in your house?

"The sword that reaches him cannot avail, nor the spear, the arrow, or the javelin."
Or the bomb, or the gun, or the missile. It's Godzilla, man!

"He makes the depths boil like a pot. . ."

I'm tellin' you, it's the Big G.

"Nothing on earth is like him, one made without fear. He looks on everything that is high, He is King over all the sons of pride."

See, the Japanese have been trying to tell us something. And you guys thought it was silly entertainment! It's actually Biblical. Godzilla is real, and I just proved it from the Bible. So there, atheists. There's some proof for ya.

And you thought the Bible was boring.
 

Will America Burn?

Will America burn? Will it drown? Or be blasted by nuclear weapons? Earthquakes? Economic collapse? Or will America be rendered ineffectual by all of the above?

America is not named in the Bible. So its fate isn't either. But that doesn't stop people from reading Scripture through an American lens. We are pretty damn self-centered here. We think a book written by Jews for Jews (mostly) 2000 years ago was meant for us, as Americans. Now some of it is for all people today, no doubt.
But it wasn't aimed at America. It was aimed at Israel.

Having said that, what will happen to America? I don't know, man! I'm no prophet. I can only tell you what I think might happen. I think we will be absorbed into a world community, probably after going broke. Then we will be judged most severely.

Why? Well, we call ourselves a "Christian" nation and yet we export porn, imperialism, and weapons to our enemies. We import drugs and slaves. We are full of perversion. We are narcissistic. Our families are breaking apart, we hate marriage, kill our babies. We vote in liars, knowing they are liars. We adore violence and sensational news. All the time saying we believe in God.
What God?

America the headless. No God, no good direction. We have lost our conscience! We are sinking further into the cesspool. Sure, we do some good in the world, like feed Third World countries and send out missionaries, but the bad is beginning to outweigh the good. Think about it. We throw God out of the schools and out of the courts and wonder why He doesn't help us. Why would He help if we don't want His help? Maybe He is sending those storms, to wake us back up.

We tolerate The atheists ridiculous requests, afraid of offending a tiny minority. (If you don't like the Nativity, don't look at it!) We have set God aside to worship ourselves. Collectively we are sinning greatly.
We are in grave danger, I believe. If God doesn't get us, we will destroy ourselves anyway. You don't need to be a Christian to see that. Our national debt is an imaginary number, one that is so big it does not make sense. But in debt we are, which must have been planned because nobody could be that foolish.
And maybe that's God's judgment right there, letting us have our own way.

Whether Russia nukes us, or a plague decimates us, or an earthquake sinks us, I believe something bad is on its way. Dr. Richard Swenson wrote a book entitled "Hurtling Toward Oblivion". He is a Christian, but didn't write it from that point of view. He was studying future trends and had an epiphany about where the world is headed. He said basically that there is more and more stuff, more and more people, and more and more propensity to do evil than ever before. In other words, we in trouble. But God said this:
"If my people, who are called by my name, humble themselves, I will heal their land."

That's great news! Of course that was meant for Israel, but the principle stands. Americans do call themselves by His name. So there is hope. God didn't destroy Nineveh because the whole city repented and humbled themselves. God will spare us too if we turn back to Him. If not, then we bring the consequences on ourselves.

Make a good choice, America. There may not be much time left.