Aaron Sawyer, brother to the late Ryan Sawyer, has picked up the mantle of Extreme Interviewer, much like Elishah took up the mantle from Elijah. Aaron has found an interesting, if not exotic, being to interview.
He was hoping for the Tooth Fairy, but got someone else instead...
Good morning, my man, how are you doing?
I am not a man.
True, true. Just a figure of speech. For those of you reading this, seated before me is-
I am not sitting.
-is none other than The Creeping Death. He's, uh, residing in a glass bottle right now, a big five-gallon one with a microphone dropped through a hole in the top. A tight hole, so he doesn't leak out!
Your humor is stunning. Much like the hair growing from your nostrils.
Ah, anyway, for those of you who don't know, Creeping Death here is a vile green mist that passed over the land of Egypt and killed the firstborn males. Even the cats.
Do not confuse me with The Angel of Death.
Say what?
You were very close in your description of me, but what you left out was that I am the vile, green mist who wreaked havoc on Egypt in the Ten Commandments movie. I am the 1956 film version of The Angel of Death. The real one is invisible, but no doubt very close...
I don't get it.
Of course you don't.
So... you aren't real?
If I were not real, would you be speaking to me? Yes I am real. I'm the film version only. The green Creeping Death. No relation to the actual one.
I'm confused.
I'm also the living embodiment of the Metallica song.
Oh! I get it. And you're also the living embodiment of Cecille B. Demille's death angel. Cool. A living special effect.
That is correct.
Wow! Have you been stuck in that bottle since 1956?
No. Since 1957. Off and on. It took them a year to find me the first time.
What were you doing during that year?
Striking people dead.
I thought you were a special effect?
Indeed I am! A very good special effect. So good that real people died during the filming. It was all covered up of course. Cecille was very wealthy. He knew who to pay off.
Uh... what is your relationship to Metallica?
They wrote a song about me, mixing reality with fantasy. The wrote about me, not the original Angel of Death. Like most metal songs, there is some truth in what they say. Throw in some violent imagery, and you have multi-platinum status. They helped to immortalize me.
Did you kill Cliff Burton?
No.
You know, this is more surreal than a Dali painting...
I used to roam the Hollywood back lots, looking for people to murder. It's what I was made to do! Slowly, silently, I crept along the alleys and hotels, snuffing people's souls. Some thought that I was a drug-haze, others said the military was testing nerve gas. Skeptics wanted to believe it was bad film, a smudge on the photographs.
But no, it was I, Creeping Death.
How did they capture you?
That will remain my secret. But I will tell you this: They did not have an easy time of it! In fact, I have escaped once per decade and 'thinned the herd', as you humans say. Have you ever seen The Fog? Based on me, Mr. Sawyer. Take out the phantoms and replace it with a green death-dealer! That town never recovered.
Oh.
'O' is the shape of their mouths when they realize death has touched them.
DEATH!
Shoot, you scared me there! Uh, what's your favorite band?
Metallica.
That goes without saying, I guess.
And Johnny Cash. Delia, oh Delia...
Do you read at all?
When I can. I love the book of Exodus. And science books. I can also open bottles made of glass.
Like Coke bottles?
Yes, and five-gallon bottles with microphones.
Oh shoot.
Just joking! You were frightened, weren't you? Your heart raced for a second, I know. But to continue on, I also like films and art. Beksinski saw my day and painted it.
You can see?
Yes, in a way. I just watched John Wick. Such death! I loved it. May he step out from the celluloid and shoot down the world.
Might as well wish for Galactus. He's bigger. Well, I'm about finished here. It's been a strange pleasure to speak with you, Mr. Death. I'll check back with you some day soon. Say, how long has it been since you last escaped?
Ten years now.
I think I'll be going then.
Fantastic idea, Mr. Sawyer. I also must be going...
He was hoping for the Tooth Fairy, but got someone else instead...
Good morning, my man, how are you doing?
I am not a man.
True, true. Just a figure of speech. For those of you reading this, seated before me is-
I am not sitting.
-is none other than The Creeping Death. He's, uh, residing in a glass bottle right now, a big five-gallon one with a microphone dropped through a hole in the top. A tight hole, so he doesn't leak out!
Your humor is stunning. Much like the hair growing from your nostrils.
Ah, anyway, for those of you who don't know, Creeping Death here is a vile green mist that passed over the land of Egypt and killed the firstborn males. Even the cats.
Do not confuse me with The Angel of Death.
Say what?
You were very close in your description of me, but what you left out was that I am the vile, green mist who wreaked havoc on Egypt in the Ten Commandments movie. I am the 1956 film version of The Angel of Death. The real one is invisible, but no doubt very close...
I don't get it.
Of course you don't.
So... you aren't real?
If I were not real, would you be speaking to me? Yes I am real. I'm the film version only. The green Creeping Death. No relation to the actual one.
I'm confused.
I'm also the living embodiment of the Metallica song.
Oh! I get it. And you're also the living embodiment of Cecille B. Demille's death angel. Cool. A living special effect.
That is correct.
Wow! Have you been stuck in that bottle since 1956?
No. Since 1957. Off and on. It took them a year to find me the first time.
What were you doing during that year?
Striking people dead.
I thought you were a special effect?
Indeed I am! A very good special effect. So good that real people died during the filming. It was all covered up of course. Cecille was very wealthy. He knew who to pay off.
Uh... what is your relationship to Metallica?
They wrote a song about me, mixing reality with fantasy. The wrote about me, not the original Angel of Death. Like most metal songs, there is some truth in what they say. Throw in some violent imagery, and you have multi-platinum status. They helped to immortalize me.
Did you kill Cliff Burton?
No.
You know, this is more surreal than a Dali painting...
I used to roam the Hollywood back lots, looking for people to murder. It's what I was made to do! Slowly, silently, I crept along the alleys and hotels, snuffing people's souls. Some thought that I was a drug-haze, others said the military was testing nerve gas. Skeptics wanted to believe it was bad film, a smudge on the photographs.
But no, it was I, Creeping Death.
How did they capture you?
That will remain my secret. But I will tell you this: They did not have an easy time of it! In fact, I have escaped once per decade and 'thinned the herd', as you humans say. Have you ever seen The Fog? Based on me, Mr. Sawyer. Take out the phantoms and replace it with a green death-dealer! That town never recovered.
Oh.
'O' is the shape of their mouths when they realize death has touched them.
DEATH!
Shoot, you scared me there! Uh, what's your favorite band?
Metallica.
That goes without saying, I guess.
And Johnny Cash. Delia, oh Delia...
Do you read at all?
When I can. I love the book of Exodus. And science books. I can also open bottles made of glass.
Like Coke bottles?
Yes, and five-gallon bottles with microphones.
Oh shoot.
Just joking! You were frightened, weren't you? Your heart raced for a second, I know. But to continue on, I also like films and art. Beksinski saw my day and painted it.
You can see?
Yes, in a way. I just watched John Wick. Such death! I loved it. May he step out from the celluloid and shoot down the world.
Might as well wish for Galactus. He's bigger. Well, I'm about finished here. It's been a strange pleasure to speak with you, Mr. Death. I'll check back with you some day soon. Say, how long has it been since you last escaped?
Ten years now.
I think I'll be going then.
Fantastic idea, Mr. Sawyer. I also must be going...
Very entertaining interview.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I try!
DeleteGreat, just great!
ReplyDeleteThank you, sir!
Delete