Interview with Blubberous

A.J. Sawyer, reporter for the Himhupe Post, arrived early at the Zoo of living Phenoms. His task was to interview Blubberous, one of the resident monsters. Space and Silas had come up with a computer algorithm to translate any language and had invited a reporter to test it out. Today they lent their machine to Mr. Sawyer, who pulled up a chair very close to Blubberous' thick glass cage. 'Habitat', to be precise. He placed a digital recorder on a small table and pulled out a pen and pad.
 Blubberous was sitting up against the glass, fingering his nostril, still in orangutan form. He seemed disinterested.
 "Hello, Blubberous? I'm A.J. Sawyer, reporter for the Himhupe Post. This, uh, has never been done before, so, uh, hello?"
 " I didn't turn it on yet," said Silas.
 "Oh, okay. Should I repeat myself?"
 "After I turn it on. There. Go for it, A.J."
 He repeated his introduction, but with less 'uh's'. Blubberous ignored him. He stared at his long finger instead, studying the crusty chunk stuck to his nail.
 "So, Blubberous, what are you?"
 Still no reaction.
 "How did you get here?"
 Nothing.
 "How old are you?"
 Blubberous stuck his finger in his mouth.
 "Uh, what is your favorite food?"
 Blubberous stopped and looked sideways at Sawyer. he snorted and turned toward the glass.
 "Uh, favorite food?"
 Blubberous smushed his face right up against the glass.
 "Yoouuu."
 Sawyer dropped his pen.
 "Oh crud, it works!"
 "Duh," said Silas. He was alone.
 "Okay, okay, your favorite food is Italian, gotcha. Do you like brownies, or fish, or-"
 "I like meeeaat."
 Sawyer ran his finger around his collar. Blubberous stared at him hungrily, a twitch beginning on his lip.
 "Chickens are good, but red meat is best. You, boy! Fetch me bloody meat!" he said, glancing at Silas.
 "Hm, this is new."
 "Mr. Blubberous-"
 "That is not my name! My true name is unutterable. It means madness and devourment. Your weak tongue could never pronounce it."
 "Try me."
 "I will try your brain when I get out of here."
 Sawyer winced. he hadn't known what to expect, but this wasn't it.
 "Um, so you think of eating a lot, I take it?"
 Blubberous scraped at the glass. "You dolt, that is what I do. I consume. You see me in this pitiful, small form. Had I not been locked in this pathetic, juvenile, hairy body I would have devoured your world by now!" He twitched again and licked the wall.
 "Ew! You know Silas, you could patent this thing."
 "What, the program or Blubberous?"
 "Both. So, Mr. Blubberous, what is your favorite movie?"
 He burped, showing his molars.
 "He likes Barney," said Silas.
 "No I don't!"
 "I believe you," said Sawyer. "What do you like about this place?"
 "Nothing, you bloated toad."
 "All right. What are you?"
 "Your master, your death, your eater!"
Blubberous banged on the glass, scaring the reporter. Blubberous sneered, his lips peeling a bit too far back.
 "Can he get out?"
 "Nah. Carry on."
 "Right. Oh boy, where do you come from?"
 "Flesh bag, I come from a place you can only dream of. A place of darkness and heat and screaming. A place I ruled! It is near, yet far away, separated by only a mere vibration. Let me out, and I will show you. . ."
 "No thanks. Let's finish this. When-"
 "In my stomach, fool!"
 Blubberous' skin split open and shrank into his muscles. Sharp spines popped out from his shoulders, head, and arms, and small nasty mouths opened up all over his gut and arms. His eyes bobbed around and yellow slime fell from his mouth.

"Good God!" A.J. Sawyer jumped clear over his chair and fell on the floor. Blubberous roared incoherently.
 "Dinner time!"

When Blubberous had finished eating his chickens, A.J. wiped his face and put his recorder away. He shook his head.
"Was he lying to me? Is he really from another world?"
"Don't know. This is all new to me."
"Oh, man, he is psycho! I bet Rolling Stone will print this."
"They should. It's golden."
"Yeah, I'll say. Thanks for your time, Silas."
"You too, A.J."
Sawyer walked away, looking over his shoulder at the monster, who was sitting on the island in his habitat, full as a gas tank.
"Okay, Space, you can come out now."
After about a minute, Space walked into the room, a big smile on his face.
"Good one, Space. You scared the doo out of him."
"Who?"
"The reporter."
"He was here?"
"Duh, he just left. What, you weren't doing the voice?"
"No, I was on the toilet."
They both turned and looked at Blubberous. He cocked his head at them and burped up a feather. Silas pulled the translator device off the glass and looked at it.
"Nice try, Space. But monsters don't talk."
Silas walked away, whistling a tune.
"What's he talking about?"