God's Foul Language

There is some nasty stuff in the Bible. Some non-kid friendly stuff: Incest, rape, stabbings, tent pegs-through-the-skull, those sorts of things. Sometimes The Bible uses filthy language, too. Pornographic, you might say. You don't believe me? Read on, bubba.
From the book of Ezekiel, chapter 23:
"And I sent aliens to probe your-"

Gotcha! Some of you out there think "Ezekiel" is synonymous with "alien".  Just wanted to see if you're paying attention.
Let's start again. Ezekiel chapter 23:

"Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother. They committed harlotry in Egypt, they committed whoredom in their youth. There their breasts were squeezed, and there their virgin nipples were handled."

Say what?

"There your virgin nipples were handled."
Dude, you can't say that in the Bible!

"Oholah (Samaria) whored while she was mine, and she lusted after her lovers. . ."
Who's talking here? He must be angry.

"She did not give up the whoring she had begun in Egypt, for they had lain with her in her youth and they had handled her virgin nipples and poured out their lust on her."
Pored out? Nipples? This sounds like a bad Cinemax movie. Who's the narrator? David Duchovny?

"Her sister Oholibah (Jerusalem) saw this, yet her lusting was more depraved than her sister, and her whoring more debased."
Runs in the family.

"She lusted after the Assyrians, . . .fine young men. . .but she carried her harlotries further. She saw men sculptured on the walls. . .at the very sight of them she lusted after them. . ."
Fifty Shades of Shofar.

"So the Babylonians came to her with their whoring. . . she turned from them in disgust. She flaunted her harlotries and nakedness, and I turned from her in disgust. But still she whored more."
Somebody a hoe. Who's writing this anyway? Ezekiel? Is he a perv?

"She lusted for her paramours, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like the issue of horses."

Uuuh. . .

". . .issue was like the issue of horses."
That's just not right.

"Thus you call to remembrance the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians pressed your breasts and handled your nipples."
There with the boobies again.

What is going on here? What's with all this porno talk? Simple. The speaker is painting a picture of his wife cheating on him, whoring around with multiple lovers. He's hurt, and is using words to make a vivid picture of this adultery. While Ezekiel wrote it down, it was GOD who spoke it to him. He was the jilted lover! He made a covenant with these people, and they whored around on Him with other gods. They lusted for what their neighbors had, unsatisfied with worshiping the one, true God anymore. And as an angry lover, he is using terms like "donkey members" and "pouring out lust" to get their attention.
Yes, God does have feelings.

Ezekiel is an odd book, and I invite you to read it for yourself. There is strong language, the origin of  Lucifer, weird angels, judgment, and model building. I'm not kidding. Go read it. And possibly, you will find out God's heart about certain matters, and learn to trust Him.
Amen.