What If Jesus-?

If Jesus were to come back and hang out in America, what would He do? Would He go to church? If so, which one? Would He go to Jay Bakker's church, who isn't too sure about the Atonement?

I don't know, Jesus might be offended by that. Or maybe He would set Jay straight: "Yes, I did die for you!"
Maybe He would drop by Joel Osteen's church, where everybody just wants to be happy and not reminded about their sin. Jesus might stand up and say: "Sin is real, come to Me and be forgiven!"
He could show up at a little church in South Dakota and say: "I really like it here. People honor Me and worship Me here, and trust what I said."

What would Jesus read? The new Stephen King? Dave Ramsey? Nah, He knows how to balance His books. 50 Shades of Crap? Doubt it, since it denigrates women, or so I'm told. Jesus respected women, so I think He'd pass. The Purpose Driven Life? He has a purpose, so maybe He would only proofread it. Comic books? Only IDW, cuz they have Godzilla and X-Files.

The Bible? Well, He has it memorized. The newspaper? Nope, too depressing. I think He would read picture books, with a crowd of kids sitting on His lap. He likes kids.

Where would Jesus eat? Chick-Fil-A, of course. The owner loves Jesus. How about Red Lobster? Those biscuits are fantastic!
Would Jesus watch movies? What kind? Certainly not romance flicks. They perpetuate the myth that finding the perfect someone is the most important thing in life. Sci-fi? Probably not Prometheus, but you never know. Action? Comedy? Horror? How about Little House on the Prairie. He's honored there.
Pro wrestling? Uhh, He doesn't want to get dumb, does He?

Where would He shop? ALDI, that's where. And Lowe's, because it's nicer than Home Depot, and because Jesus was a carpenter.
Jesus loves rap. Not. Unless it's Lecrae. Lecrae be singin' unto the Lord! Would He listen to country, or pop? How about anime soundtracks?  Def Leppard, Stone Temple Pilots, Creed? The Beatles? Slayer? Jesus might not partake of death metal, but I bet He'd go to a Behemoth show and say:

"What up, Nergal."

 

So, what would Jesus do? Cast out lots of demons, I'm sure. And hang out in poor neighborhoods. Would He get a tattoo? I doubt it, since Leviticus forbade it on the grounds that God didn't want His people looking like pagans. Jesus wouldn't break His own Law. . .

. . .of course, that particular law may not be in effect now. Depends on who you talk to. But really, what would Jesus DO? Walk into a parish and say: "You've turned My Father's house into a den of perverts!" Walk into a church and say: "Stop screwing your secretary!"? Or would He go to the playgrounds and spin the kids around on that wheel-thing a thousand times? Maybe He would stroll into Harlem or Riviera Beach and eat some collard greens and chicken, visit the barber shop.

Then, when He's done visting, He would teleport into Washington and yell: "You vipers!" and they'd crucify Him again. Politics and real Christianity sometimes don't mix, you know.

But if Jesus was to make a mini appearance before the Big Return, I'd like to think you and I would invite Him over for pizza and good worship music. And some ice cream. He's never had Moose Tracks...


 

Goodbye, Santa

Santa Claus as we know him is a fairly modern invention. Cobbled together from old European stories and new American poems and advertising, Santa has become a mainstay in the minds of Westerners. You know the stories: St. Nicholas drops some money in the stocking, Sinterklaas gives gifts, Old Saint Nick drops down the chimney-

-and on and on. Modern Santa seems to have emerged with Clement Moore's poem, 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'. Published in 1823, it was a hit. You still read it, don't you? We all do. This new version was supernatural and jolly. He flew around on a sleigh led by reindeer. He fit his fat self down chimneys. He was special.

Then came this guy, Thomas Nast. He popularized Santa in an even bigger way. His version became definitive. Santa was becoming the focal point of Christmas, drowning out the Christian meaning and also the pagan one. Christmas was becoming all-American, inclusive of everyone.

All you had to do was rally around a fictional character and pretend he was real.

 Sure it was fun! An invisible man brings you presents the night before Christ's birth is celebrated. This story grew and grew, and with the help of Coca-Cola and tons of merchandising in the early 20th century, overtook the West as the dominant myth. Everyone under eight believes in St. Nick.

But, if he's fake, why do we tell our kids that he's real?

Face it. Our parents lied to us, their parents lied to them, and we lie to our kids. We perpetuate the myth, and then tell our kids he isn't real. Why? "It's tradition!" you say. Bah, it's still a lie.

I decided when I remarried not to tell my kids about Santa. And you know what? They're fine. They didn't miss out on anything. They still look forward to Christmas morning. We just decided that lying to our girls was a stupid idea.

They don't believe in The Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy either.

Bye-bye, Santa. It was nice knowing you.

 

Demon Possession

All throughout the Gospels Jesus cast out demons. Every town He went to He sent those things back to the air they came from. They didn't stand a chance! He did not perform an exorcism, or pray, or fast. He simply said: "Come out of that man!"
And it was so.

Why so much demon possession? Over and over again He encountered people who had a demon, or whose child had a demon. In the Gospels, demons were called 'unclean spirits'. Most Bible teachers say that unclean spirits are fallen angels, while a few think they are the disembodied spirits of the Nephilim. Why Nephilim spirits wouldn't go right to Hell at death, I don't know. But either way, unclean spirits were rampant in Israel at that time.
Why?
I have no idea. There did not seem to be an overabundance of occult activity or idolatry then. If anything, there was an overabundance of self-righteousness on the part of Israel's leaders. They wouldn't have suffered a witch to live, or allowed magic to be practiced. So if those 'magnets' for demonic activity were not present, why all the demons?

Perhaps perversion paved the way for the fiends. Stepping outside of God's boundaries with one's body is an impure act, hence 'unclean' spirits. Jesus warned about lust and also about divorcing one's wife for any reason. Maybe perversion was rampant in Israel. The Romans could have brought their lewd practices to the land. After all, John the Baptist called out Herod for taking his own brother's wife. . .

It's interesting that demon possession was not mentioned in the Old Testament. King Saul was of course tormented by a spirit, but that's about it. Maybe the Jews didn't recognize the phenomenon prior to Christ's first coming. Or maybe it was a rare thing until Jesus arrived. Demon possession happened to children, too. Satan's way of getting rid of the Messiah? Some of those kids that Jesus helped were being thrown into water and fire. . .

It's also possible that His mere presence drove them into a frenzy. They seemed to get very agitated when He was near. Like when lice get exposed to RID. He drove them out! Sometimes they were terrified, like Legion, who was afraid he would be 'tormented before the time'. And sometimes they were spiteful, like when they tried to point out Jesus' identity before it was time. Other at other times they were unintelligible when they were cast out.

So what does this mean for us today? Could demon possession be rampant now in the world? How many Westerners are being treated for mental illness? Could it be that some of those don't have imbalances, but demons? With the rise of occultism, drug use, sexual perversion, and pride, our culture is becoming a haven for evil, perverse spirits. If we give ourselves to sin, we let the Devil in.

Believe it or don't. But be warned. Lawlessness will increase. It already is! Look at the sick crimes being committed lately. Naked man eats a homeless guy's face? Couple keeps kids locked in cages? Man bites his own son's eyeball out and then chops his own leg off with a hatchet? He was on PCP. That stuff unlocks a person's mind to the spirit world for sure. Open the door and the enemy slides in.

Aberrant behavior is on the rise. Our world has let the Beast in, and he will take as much as he can and cause as much damage as possible before he is locked up. And he has full permission from God, because we turned from Him.

The solution, of course, is Christ. He heals, restores, and purifies.
If we let Him.